Make Friends With Porn

Find his. Watch it. You can be sneaky or you can ask for it, but do it. This is a great way to discover his sexual psyche and use it for the benefit of your own sex life. First of all, a disclaimer on his porn: It’s not about you. I understand that this is frequently why it is upsetting to women when they find it, but really, you need to look at this as an opportunity to learn something rather than an opportunity to make him feel shameful about what turns him on.

So he’s into big beautiful woman porn and you’re a twig. Or you’re a big beautiful woman and he’s got a whole stash of barely legal teens. You’re blonde and he’s got Goth Girls Go Doggystyle or whatever other creative title I’m sure the porn companies have come up for it. My point is, so what? Commitment to a relationship does not extend to the fantasy world, and once you develop your own and learn how to exploit his to your own benefit, you will stop feeling so threatened by it. Lighten up! It’s just dirty pictures. Find some of your own. Start a competing collection. Masturbate constantly. Do not let him have all the fun here. So I’m suggesting that you do two things, really:

1) Go through his porn. Force yourself to keep watching it past the knee-jerk this-is-disgusting point if that’s something you’re dealing with. Watch enough of it so that you know the difference between the stuff that you think is disgusting because it actually is disgusting and the stuff that could potentially turn you on as well. Human sexuality is strange terrain. Porn in this sense is just like reality: sometimes you don’t know what’s going to be sexy until you’re in the middle of it. One night you could get a tingle from blacks on blondes, another night a twitch from an oldie-but-goodie like Debbie Does Dallas. Ignore the stuff that grosses you out. Focus on the stuff that gives you a positive sexual reaction. Then watch more of it. Figure out what the genre is called. Download more of it yourself.

2) Get your own! As you explore your reactions to porn you are watching for your own sexual enlightenment rather than seeing it as some kind of adversary, I think you’ll find that you quite enjoy some of it. Again, don’t be disturbed by yourself if you’re aroused by seeing something you would never do. That is the whole point of porn. You do not have to actually do any of it. It’s just there for you to watch and rub one out to. I promise you, that’s all he’s doing, too.