Keep Him at Home (in His Favorite La-Z-Boy) With a Sexy Lap Dance!

K Strippers understand how irritating our presence in the world can be to regular girlfriends and wives. It’s not just that he is paying attention to another woman (who frankly wouldn’t even want it if she weren’t being paid for it), it’s that he’s spending money to do it and possibly taking away from the time he could or should be spending at home with you. The idea that there is a place your man can go whenever he needs to have his ego stroked a little bit is infuriating, either because you know all too well what an undeserving schmuck he is or because he is so wonderful that you want to do the honors yourself. We get it. Many of us have men at home ourselves, frequently men who are just as tired of sleeping with us as yours is with you. What we provide at strip clubs is an illusion of sumptuous, no-strings-attached intimacy in a relaxing setting where a man can focus on something besides his problems. As a wife or girlfriend, chances are that you occasionally are the problem he is trying to escape from. But being a woman and a wife myself, I fully understand how boring and exhausting–not to mention less than sexy–it can be to play that role. So refuse to do it. Instead, engage him sexually. It’ll be way more fun for both of you and it’ll keep those pesky strippers out of his wallet for the night.

After Dinner, Sit on the Couch As Usual Pour him a cocktail, crack him open a beer, or fix him a tall frosty iced tea according to whatever you think he would like the most. Bring it over to him. If the TV is on, turn it off. Then hand him the drink with a smile. Look into his eyes. Before he can grumble about the TV, lean over him on the couch so that your boobs are at his eye level. Move closer until they’re in his face. Straddle him slowly, first one leg, than the other. Pull back and look into his eyes, running your hands through his hair. Don’t be offended if he drinks whatever it is you fixed for him; it’s about him right now.

Now That You Have His Attention Take off your shirt. Brush the side of your face against his and nuzzle his neck. Smooth your hands over his chest and make yourself comfortable in his lap. Do all of this about ten times more slowly than what feels natural; the idea is to get him mesmerized. Now rub up against him. Move like you’re making love, but do it gently, so that it’s not creating a significant amount of friction yet. The idea is to tease the living shit out of him. Don’t let him control it. Take his drink back out of his hand, put it down, and pin his arms back behind his head playfully. Take some more clothes off. Keep everything light and gentle. If he starts trying to take control, admonish him. Tell him he’s being bad. Tell him you want him to relax and enjoy you. Brush your nipples against his chest and then play with them yourself in front of him.

Take Your Time When you have him good and hot, brace yourself against his shoulders with your hands, unstraddle, and slide your body down his so that you end up kneeling between his legs. Look up at him from this position, bite your lip or smile or say something cute. Rub your breasts over his crotch; get your face close to it without touching it; breathe on it. Pause frequently to look up–men like this visual. Run your hands along his thighs. Make it seem like you’re going to touch his hard-on but pull away at the last second. Draw this out. When you and he can’t stand it anymore, stand up and turn around so that you’re facing away from him. If you’re still wearing anything on your bottom half, take it off, making sure to bend over in front of him so that he can get a good look at your ass. Lap Dances in Clubs End; This One Doesn’t Have To By now, your man should be very, very, very excited and it shouldn’t take much instruction on my part to tell you what to do next. If he is familiar with strip clubs, it will be very special for him to have this experience end in actual sexual gratification. You may find that you really enjoy being so seemingly submissive yet also dominant at the same time. Now it’s time to remind him that he’s not in a club; that you are his sex partner and that this is a situation in which he can have his cake and eat it to. Do something slutty and hot. Blow him. Say something unspeakably filthy about how much you love his cock. Take his clothes off. But control it yourself, and do it at the speed that pleases you. Revel in your power. He will too.